A series by Anslem Oshionebo on courage, belonging, character and leadership for immigrants, and for the colleagues and leaders who work alongside them. A new episode is added every month.
Anslem Oshionebo moved from Nigeria to the United States, built a career at PwC and as a technology founder and CEO, and in 2020 received the Immigrant Professional Excellence Award at the Immigrant Journey Awards in Dallas. This series shares the lessons of that journey: practical, honest and always hopeful.
Next episode: March 18, 2027.
Episode 9: You are more social than they think
When you are told you are anti-social and not part of the conversation, remember: you are already very social for standing right there with them. Take courage from every challenge.
At some point many immigrants hear it: you are quiet, you do not join in, you keep to yourself. It can sting, especially when you are trying hard. What people often do not see is the effort it takes to follow fast conversations in a second language, to understand jokes built on references you did not grow up with, and to stay in a room where you are the only one like you.
Here is a gentle thought. Imagine your colleagues moving to your home country tomorrow. Picture them at a family gathering where everyone speaks your language, eats food they have never tasted and laughs at jokes they cannot follow. Most of them would be quieter than you are now. Simply standing in that room, participating as best you can, is already a social achievement.
So be kind to yourself, and keep going. Ask questions when you do not understand a reference. Share stories from your own background; people are often curious. Find one person in each group who makes you feel welcome and build from there.
Every awkward conversation is practice. Every gathering you attend builds familiarity. Take courage from each challenge, because each one is making you stronger and more connected than you were yesterday.
Home is where you find yourself today. Make it a comfortable place, so you are part of the change for tomorrow.
Many immigrants live with one foot in two places. We send money home, follow the news from home and plan to retire at home. Meanwhile, the place where we wake up every day can feel temporary, like a waiting room. That mindset holds us back.
Wherever you live today is your home for now, and it deserves your full investment. Learn its history. Vote where you are eligible. Volunteer at the local school. Get to know your neighbours by name. Support local businesses. These actions build belonging, and belonging builds influence.
Making your current home comfortable does not mean forgetting where you came from. It means recognising that you can be a positive force in both places. The skills, networks and resources you build here are often the very things that allow you to support family and community back home.
Change happens through people who are present and engaged. If you want your new community to be fairer and more welcoming for the next immigrant who arrives, be part of shaping it. Home is not only where you were born. It is where you choose to contribute.
People naturally gravitate toward those who look or act like them. Do not be an outsider everywhere you go. Make yourself adaptable to the new culture.
It is human nature to feel most comfortable with people who share our language, food, faith and jokes. Every community does it, and immigrants are no exception. The risk is that comfort slowly becomes a wall. We sit with the same people at work, attend the same gatherings and wonder why opportunities seem to pass us by.
Adaptability is not the same as abandoning who you are. You can keep your accent, your faith and your love of jollof rice while also learning how your new neighbours celebrate, what they talk about on Monday morning and what matters to them. Adaptable people keep their roots and grow new branches.
Try a simple exercise this month. Accept one invitation you would normally decline. Ask a colleague from a different background to teach you something about their culture, and offer to share something about yours. Join one group where you are the only person from your country. It will feel awkward at first. That awkwardness is the feeling of growth.
When people see you making the effort to understand them, they are far more willing to understand you. Adaptability opens doors that talent alone cannot. Be the person who belongs in many rooms, not an outsider in all of them.
Changing the colour of your skin does not change the perception about your culture or race. Your hard work and attitude will change the perception of you.
I am African. I grew up climbing mango trees and walking several miles to school. That does not mean there were no cars, or that monkeys lived with us on the streets. These are the fun stories of my growing up, and I tell them with pride.
I have a very good friend in his early thirties. He dresses smartly, he is single, six feet tall, handsome, well built with a flat tummy, and he earns a six-figure income. I can already imagine my single friends asking for an introduction. Sorry, I do not actually have a friend with all these attributes. My bad. But notice what just happened in your mind: a picture formed from a few details. That is how stereotypes work, for every group and every situation. Think of the pressure on African women who are judged differently for keeping their natural hair, which has made wigs a generally accepted look.
There are stereotypes and beliefs about every group of people, whatever their colour, race or tribe, and some form of discrimination will always exist. Your task is to help others see who you really are and how well you can get the job done. Focus on what you can do, not on what others might think, imagine or say. Something will always be said about you. Make it something positive.
Character is everything. Be diligent in whatever your hands find to do, and do it with joy and a spirit of service. When you leave a mark, people stop worrying about how you look, where you come from, what you wear or how you sound. They value your contribution and treat you as one of them.
Your attitude will change the perception of who you are. Stay positive, and do not let negative feelings set your direction.
Episode 1. It takes boldness to cross the ocean and move to a place where the language, culture and beliefs are a bit foreign. Be proud of yourself and make it count.
Episode 2. Your new environment may discriminate against you, but do not distance yourself from the situation, so as not to validate the reasons for the discrimination. Read
Episode 2, part 2. People may not know your accent. You are not the problem. Join a community. Read
Episode 3. We are migrants and we are strong. Be the source and instrument for change. Read
Episode 4. Opinions are formed in the hallway. Be present where they are formed. Read
Episode 5. Acceptance is built, not given. Understand the culture and help others understand yours. Read
