Ep. 4 of Challenges of an Immigrant

I regularly meet immigrants from many backgrounds who feel they have not been accepted in their new society. As a result, they gravitate toward people from their own culture or people who look like them, and stay in that circle of comfort. It is understandable, but it can make us forget why we migrated in the first place. That purpose should be what pushes us to seek acceptance more widely.

You cannot control how other people behave. You can control how you respond. The differences are real: culture, accent, food, sports, fraternities, and the psychological weight of racism. Making friends is hard when there is a language barrier and limited understanding of the local culture. It takes an open mind and patience, often more patience than others are showing you. People who have not lived the immigrant experience will not fully understand the struggle, so stay positive and keep your goals in view.

Where opinions are formed

Going back to the beginning of your journey helps. You made a deliberate decision to migrate, so make your reactions and the energy you bring just as deliberate. People who do not know your background cannot understand you better than those who do, and it is up to you to close that gap.

In corporate life, opinions form quickly, and often in informal settings: happy hours, team lunches, conversations in the corridor. Work cultures differ between Africa, Asia and Europe, and it took me time to see this. A former boss told me plainly that opinions about your performance are formed in the hallway, and that I should be present in those spaces.

So I started organizing them myself: happy hours, lunches and social events. They gave colleagues a chance to know me and my background, instead of judging me only on the part of my work they happened to see.

Why the hallway matters

In many workplaces, formal performance reviews only confirm impressions that were formed months earlier: in a project meeting, at lunch, in a quick conversation after a presentation. People who are absent from those moments are judged on less information. Immigrants, who may already feel like outsiders, are more likely to skip them, and that absence can be mistaken for lack of interest or lack of confidence.

The fix is not to become someone you are not. It is to be present, consistently, in a way that fits your personality. If large gatherings are uncomfortable, invite two colleagues for coffee. If small talk feels forced, ask about their work and listen carefully. Presence builds familiarity, and familiarity builds trust.

Be the host, not only the guest

Waiting for invitations puts your integration in someone else's hands. Hosting reverses that. When I began organising lunches and team events, colleagues saw a different side of me: someone who cared about the team, had interesting stories and brought people together. It also gave me a natural way to share my culture, through food, music and stories, on my own terms.

Return to your purpose

When rejection or isolation feels heavy, go back to the reason you migrated: a better education, a better career, a safer future for your family. That purpose is bigger than any single uncomfortable moment. Let it guide your response. Stay positive, stay present and keep building relationships one conversation at a time.

Questions for reflection

• Where are opinions about my work being formed, and am I present there?
• What informal gathering could I organise this month?
• When I feel rejected, how does remembering my purpose change my response?

Presence is a strategy

Being present does not require being the loudest person in the room. It means showing up consistently, contributing thoughtfully and making it easy for others to know you. Over months, presence builds a reputation that formal reviews then reflect. Many immigrants who rose to leadership roles describe the same turning point: the moment they stopped waiting to be invited and started creating the spaces where relationships form.

It also helps to find allies. Colleagues who appreciate your work can speak for you in rooms you are not in. Build those relationships by helping others, sharing credit and being reliable. Over time, your network becomes one of your strongest professional assets.

See you next week. #ChallengesOfAnImmigrant