A series by Anslem Oshionebo on courage, belonging, character and leadership for immigrants, and for the colleagues and leaders who work alongside them. A new episode is added every month.
Anslem Oshionebo moved from Nigeria to the United States, built a career at PwC and as a technology founder and CEO, and in 2020 received the Immigrant Professional Excellence Award at the Immigrant Journey Awards in Dallas. This series shares the lessons of that journey: practical, honest and always hopeful.
Next episode: April 20, 2028.
Episode 22: Go to the table
When you are told you do not belong by not being invited to the table, go to the table anyway, as long as you believe you belong there. Stay positive and keep the flag flying.
Sometimes exclusion is not spoken. It is the meeting you were not invited to, the lunch you heard about afterwards, the project assigned without considering you. It sends a quiet message: you are not part of this.
Do not accept that message if you know you can contribute. Go to the table. Ask to join the meeting. Volunteer for the project. Offer your ideas. Do it respectfully, with preparation and confidence. Many doors that seem closed are simply unattended.
Of course, belonging is earned through contribution. Come prepared with insights, solutions and a willingness to work. When you add value, people stop questioning why you are there and start wondering how they managed without you.
Stay positive, even when the door does not open the first time. Keep building skills and relationships. Keep showing up. And when you are at the table, remember those still waiting outside. Keep the flag flying, for yourself and for everyone who comes after you.
The immigrant journey begins with the need to improve ourselves and those we love. Learn what makes the new society tick, so you can help bring the change we all deserve.
Most of us did not migrate for ourselves alone. We came to give our children better opportunities, to support parents and siblings, to build something our families could be proud of. Our stories are never complete without the people in them.
That purpose deserves our best effort. Make the journey count by understanding how your new society works: how institutions operate, how decisions are made, how businesses grow and how communities organise. Read local news. Attend town meetings. Learn the history. Ask questions.
Understanding the system makes you more effective. It helps you advance in your career, start businesses, support your children's education and advocate for your community. It also lets you contribute to improvements that benefit everyone, not just immigrants.
The change we all deserve, fairer workplaces, stronger communities and more opportunity, does not happen by itself. It happens when people who understand both the challenges and the system step forward. Your journey can be part of that change.
Challenges do not change your path; they reshape how you face the world. There is always hope. Put a smile on a face with the little you have.
Challenges have a way of shaping us. They do not have to change our destination, but they change how we travel: more patient, more grateful, more aware of what really matters.
One of the most powerful responses to hardship is generosity. It sounds backward, but helping others when you are struggling yourself often restores hope faster than anything else. A kind word to a new colleague, a meal shared with a neighbour, an hour helping a child with homework, a small donation to someone in need. None of these require wealth. They require a willing heart.
Every smile you bring to someone's face is a reminder that you have something to give, whatever your circumstances. It builds connections, strengthens communities and changes how others see you and people like you.
So face each challenge with excitement for the brighter future ahead, and with a broad smile. There is always hope, and there is always someone whose day you can make better with the little you have.
Rules are not always applied equally. Be ready to take extra steps, stay at the top of your game and be at the centre of key decisions.
In an ideal world, every rule would be applied fairly and every person judged only on merit. In reality, decisions are made by people, and people have biases, often without realising it. Immigrants sometimes find they need to prove more to be recognised as much.
That is not fair, and it is worth working to change. In the meantime, the practical response is excellence that cannot be overlooked. Know your work better than anyone. Document your achievements. Prepare thoroughly for every meeting. Build relationships with decision makers so your contributions are seen.
Aim to be where decisions are made: on project teams, committees, boards and leadership forums. Volunteer for visible assignments. When you are part of the decision, you can influence fairness for yourself and for others who come after you.
Extra steps take extra effort, but they also build extraordinary skill. Many immigrant leaders became exceptional precisely because they had to work harder. Let the challenge sharpen you, and when you reach the table, hold the door open for others.
Life is full of conflicts, ups and downs, racism and unity, fear and boldness. It takes courage to survive the next phase. Never give up.
The immigrant journey is not a straight line. There are seasons of progress and seasons of setback: the job offer that falls through, the visa delay, the difficult manager, the loneliness of holidays far from family. There are also moments of unity and kindness that remind us why we came.
Through all of it, courage is the common thread. Not the absence of fear, but the decision to keep moving despite it. Every immigrant who has built a successful life has faced moments when giving up seemed easier.
When the next challenge comes, break it into steps. Seek advice from people who have walked the same road. Lean on your faith, your family and your community. Rest when you need to, but do not stop.
Your story is still being written. The difficult chapter you are in today may become the part of your story that inspires someone else tomorrow. Take up the challenge, keep the faith and never give up.
Some may call you anti-social because you live by your beliefs. Do not let those words affect your morale. Be social in the ways you can.
Living by your beliefs in a new culture can set you apart. Perhaps you do not drink alcohol, attend late-night parties or join certain activities because of your faith or values. Some colleagues may misunderstand this as being unfriendly.
Do not let those labels shake your confidence. Your values are part of who you are, and integrity is one of the most respected qualities in any workplace. You do not have to choose between your beliefs and belonging.
Find ways to connect that fit your values. Join the lunch instead of the late-night drinks. Organise a team breakfast or a volunteering day. Order a soft drink at the happy hour and stay for the conversation. Explain your choices simply and without judgment of others; most people respect honesty.
Being social does not require being the same as everyone else. It requires warmth, interest in others and showing up in your own way. People will come to know you for your character, and that matters far more than how you spend your Friday nights.
Understanding and remembering your roots will shape your appreciation for where you are today.
It is easy to get so busy building a new life that we forget the journey that brought us here. The long walks to school, the evenings studying by lantern, the sacrifices parents made to pay school fees, the friends and teachers who believed in us. These memories are not just nostalgia. They are the foundation of who we are.
Remembering your roots keeps you grounded. It helps you appreciate opportunities others may take for granted: reliable electricity, clean water, access to education and the chance to build a career on merit. Gratitude turns everyday life into something meaningful.
Your roots are also a source of strength. The resilience you learned in difficult conditions helps you face challenges today. The values your family taught you, respect, hard work and faith, guide your decisions.
Stay connected. Teach your children your language and traditions. Support your community back home where you can. Tell your story. Remembering where you came from does not hold you back. It reminds you how far you have come and how far you can still go.
Diversity exists when we accept the culture and accent of others. Situations are never fully transparent, but you can be the transparency.
Many organisations celebrate diversity in their values, yet still expect everyone to sound alike. An accent can quietly affect how people are judged in meetings, interviews and presentations, even when the ideas are excellent.
True diversity means accepting different ways of speaking, thinking and working. It means listening for the quality of ideas, not the familiarity of the voice delivering them. Leaders who understand this get better decisions, because they hear from everyone.
For immigrants, the response is not to erase your accent but to be clear, confident and consistent. Structure your points, summarise your conclusions and follow up in writing when it matters. And be the transparency you wish to see: explain your thinking openly, invite questions and treat others' differences with the same respect you hope to receive.
When we model openness, we make it easier for others to do the same. Diversity becomes real not through slogans but through everyday acceptance, one conversation at a time.
Attend those functions, dinners and parties even when you are tired. Your presence stops the wrong stories about you from being told.
After a long week of work, family responsibilities and perhaps a side business, the last thing many of us want is another dinner, office party or networking event. Staying home feels like the sensible choice.
But absence has a cost. When you are not in the room, people fill the gap with their own stories. They may assume you are not interested, not friendly or not committed. When you are present, you replace assumptions with real impressions: your warmth, your humour, your ideas.
You do not need to stay all night or be the life of the party. Arrive, greet people, have two or three genuine conversations and leave when you need to. Consistency matters more than duration. Over months, those small appearances build relationships that open doors to projects, promotions and friendships.
Be strategic about your energy. Prioritise the events that matter most to your goals, and rest when you can. But when it counts, show up. Your presence is one of the most powerful ways to shape how others see you.
Sport is part of the culture of your new home. Learn it, and you can be the leader of the pack in conversations you once avoided.
Monday morning at the office often begins with sport. Who won the game, who played badly, what the coach should have done. If you grew up with football meaning soccer, and you have never followed American football, basketball or baseball, these conversations can leave you on the outside.
Here is a simple trick: learn the sport. Watch a few games. Pick a local team. Learn the basic rules and the names of a few key players. Ask colleagues to explain what you do not understand; most fans love teaching newcomers. Within a season, you will have opinions of your own.
Sport is more than entertainment. It is shared language, shared emotion and an easy way to build relationships. Many business deals, mentoring relationships and friendships start with a conversation about last night's game. When you can join in, you are no longer the outsider.
And do not forget to share your own passions. Invite colleagues to watch a big football match from home, or explain why a particular team or rivalry matters to you. Culture flows both ways, and sport is one of the friendliest bridges between them.
Discrimination is real and never acceptable. Make yourself the focal point by being friendly and sharing more about yourself. Your drive and commitment will change the story.
Most immigrants experience some form of discrimination: a comment about an accent, assumptions about ability, being overlooked for an opportunity. It is real, and it is never acceptable. Where it is serious, use the formal channels available to you. But we cannot let it define our story or our spirit.
One of the most effective responses is also one of the simplest: let people get to know you. Prejudice survives on distance and assumptions. It struggles when people know your name, your family, your goals and your sense of humour. Be friendly with everyone, from the receptionist to the chief executive. Share stories about where you come from and what you are working toward.
Then let your work do the rest. Be reliable. Deliver on your promises. Help colleagues when they are under pressure. Over time, people stop seeing a stereotype and start seeing you.
You cannot control every attitude you meet. You can control your drive, your commitment and the way you treat others. Those are the things that change the story, one relationship at a time.
Episode 11: Plan for the future with better lenses
Make the best of both worlds. Save for your retirement, or invest in your children's careers so they can stand strong. Either way builds a better future.
Many immigrants come from cultures where children are the retirement plan. Parents invest everything in education, and in return grown children care for their parents. In many Western countries, the system is different: people save in retirement accounts and plan to be financially independent in old age.
Both approaches come from love and responsibility, and both can work. The wisest path often combines them. Invest in your children's education and character, because that is the greatest gift you can give. At the same time, save consistently for your own future, so your children are free to build their own lives and support the next generation too.
Practical steps help. Take advantage of any employer retirement match, because it is free money. Build an emergency fund. Teach your children about money early. Talk openly as a family about expectations for the future.
Look at every situation with better lenses: not only through the culture you came from, nor only through the culture you joined, but through the best of both. That balanced view is one of the quiet advantages of the immigrant experience.
Wake up and take courage in what each day brings. Remember, you are one step ahead by being the odd one in the room.
Being different can feel like a disadvantage. You may be the only African in the meeting, the only person with an accent, the only one who did not grow up with the local sport. It is easy to see that as something to hide.
Look at it another way. Being the odd one in the room means you bring a perspective no one else has. You notice what others take for granted. You understand markets, cultures and customers they have never encountered. In business, that difference is valuable. Companies pay consultants to give them the outside view you carry naturally.
Being different also makes you memorable. People remember the person who brought a fresh idea, a new example or a different question. Use that. Speak up with insights from your experience. Connect your background to the problem the team is solving.
Each morning, choose courage. Walk into the room knowing that your difference is a strength, not a weakness. You are not behind because you are different. You are one step ahead because you see what others cannot.
When you are told you are anti-social and not part of the conversation, remember: you are already very social for standing right there with them. Take courage from every challenge.
At some point many immigrants hear it: you are quiet, you do not join in, you keep to yourself. It can sting, especially when you are trying hard. What people often do not see is the effort it takes to follow fast conversations in a second language, to understand jokes built on references you did not grow up with, and to stay in a room where you are the only one like you.
Here is a gentle thought. Imagine your colleagues moving to your home country tomorrow. Picture them at a family gathering where everyone speaks your language, eats food they have never tasted and laughs at jokes they cannot follow. Most of them would be quieter than you are now. Simply standing in that room, participating as best you can, is already a social achievement.
So be kind to yourself, and keep going. Ask questions when you do not understand a reference. Share stories from your own background; people are often curious. Find one person in each group who makes you feel welcome and build from there.
Every awkward conversation is practice. Every gathering you attend builds familiarity. Take courage from each challenge, because each one is making you stronger and more connected than you were yesterday.
Home is where you find yourself today. Make it a comfortable place, so you are part of the change for tomorrow.
Many immigrants live with one foot in two places. We send money home, follow the news from home and plan to retire at home. Meanwhile, the place where we wake up every day can feel temporary, like a waiting room. That mindset holds us back.
Wherever you live today is your home for now, and it deserves your full investment. Learn its history. Vote where you are eligible. Volunteer at the local school. Get to know your neighbours by name. Support local businesses. These actions build belonging, and belonging builds influence.
Making your current home comfortable does not mean forgetting where you came from. It means recognising that you can be a positive force in both places. The skills, networks and resources you build here are often the very things that allow you to support family and community back home.
Change happens through people who are present and engaged. If you want your new community to be fairer and more welcoming for the next immigrant who arrives, be part of shaping it. Home is not only where you were born. It is where you choose to contribute.
People naturally gravitate toward those who look or act like them. Do not be an outsider everywhere you go. Make yourself adaptable to the new culture.
It is human nature to feel most comfortable with people who share our language, food, faith and jokes. Every community does it, and immigrants are no exception. The risk is that comfort slowly becomes a wall. We sit with the same people at work, attend the same gatherings and wonder why opportunities seem to pass us by.
Adaptability is not the same as abandoning who you are. You can keep your accent, your faith and your love of jollof rice while also learning how your new neighbours celebrate, what they talk about on Monday morning and what matters to them. Adaptable people keep their roots and grow new branches.
Try a simple exercise this month. Accept one invitation you would normally decline. Ask a colleague from a different background to teach you something about their culture, and offer to share something about yours. Join one group where you are the only person from your country. It will feel awkward at first. That awkwardness is the feeling of growth.
When people see you making the effort to understand them, they are far more willing to understand you. Adaptability opens doors that talent alone cannot. Be the person who belongs in many rooms, not an outsider in all of them.
Changing the colour of your skin does not change the perception about your culture or race. Your hard work and attitude will change the perception of you.
I am African. I grew up climbing mango trees and walking several miles to school. That does not mean there were no cars, or that monkeys lived with us on the streets. These are the fun stories of my growing up, and I tell them with pride.
I have a very good friend in his early thirties. He dresses smartly, he is single, six feet tall, handsome, well built with a flat tummy, and he earns a six-figure income. I can already imagine my single friends asking for an introduction. Sorry, I do not actually have a friend with all these attributes. My bad. But notice what just happened in your mind: a picture formed from a few details. That is how stereotypes work, for every group and every situation. Think of the pressure on African women who are judged differently for keeping their natural hair, which has made wigs a generally accepted look.
There are stereotypes and beliefs about every group of people, whatever their colour, race or tribe, and some form of discrimination will always exist. Your task is to help others see who you really are and how well you can get the job done. Focus on what you can do, not on what others might think, imagine or say. Something will always be said about you. Make it something positive.
Character is everything. Be diligent in whatever your hands find to do, and do it with joy and a spirit of service. When you leave a mark, people stop worrying about how you look, where you come from, what you wear or how you sound. They value your contribution and treat you as one of them.
Your attitude will change the perception of who you are. Stay positive, and do not let negative feelings set your direction.
Episode 1. It takes boldness to cross the ocean and move to a place where the language, culture and beliefs are a bit foreign. Be proud of yourself and make it count.
Episode 2. Your new environment may discriminate against you, but do not distance yourself from the situation, so as not to validate the reasons for the discrimination. Read
Episode 2, part 2. People may not know your accent. You are not the problem. Join a community. Read
Episode 3. We are migrants and we are strong. Be the source and instrument for change. Read
Episode 4. Opinions are formed in the hallway. Be present where they are formed. Read
Episode 5. Acceptance is built, not given. Understand the culture and help others understand yours. Read
